Saturday, March 22, 2014

Datanerith Entry 14: Baby Snatchin' Blues

The goblin baby snatcher ran off before I could even see where it was. I guess it saw Vitriol, peed all over its stupid goblin feet, and just retreated. I figured I was safe at least for more than forty-five seconds, but the goblins of Ngerxung Ur had other ideas.

Again? Jesus, dude, c'mon. I just had these things made!

Seriously, though, the snatchers aren't actually much of a problem. Between my traps, half my entire military training right there at the entrance, and Vitriol the Giant Scorpion, if a goblin even managed to sneak past my impressive defenses to nab a baby, they weren't getting out alive. I think the goblin thief, whose name was Zolak Mucousflies, knew this. He just started running away before he even made it to the Underpass. Honestly, the worst thing about Mr. Mucousflies was the new-found knowledge that we've got goblins. It's like seeing a cockroach in your bathroom.

Well, Zolak had the right idea in running away, but I'm afraid he didn't do a very good job at pulling it off. The master thief accidentally stumbled into the Zuglars: Zuglar Athelorrun, an off-duty soldier who was napping off a hangover beside the new henhouse, and Zuglar Loribel, a hunter who apparently knows his way around a crossbow about as well as ol' Studok. The Zuglars didn't even take the time to register surprise. Zuglar A. just tackled and punched the shit out of Zolak while Zuglar L. shot the poor goblin about seven times. 

Let's let my terrible MSPaint skills do the talking:

I didn't even realize we had silver bolts. Will the wonders of Elven generosity ever cease to surprise me?

Zolak was literally crawling away before I even realized that there'd been a fight. His left leg was torn up in three places, and his right foot was completely shattered. The Zuglars didn't give chase. They no doubt thought that leaving an opponent alive in shame was a superior victory than killing him outright. I personally disagreed, so I mobilized the entire melee squad and told them to bring me the body of Zolak Mucousflies, Goblin Thief.

The entire squad, in the middle of a training exercise, charged the crippled goblin in a roaring wave of fury, but it was Ral, the militia commander, who got the kill.

We're all in agreement that Ral is a fucking badass now, right?

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