Sunday, April 20, 2014

Stesokur Entry 7: Delicate Trading

Our first artifact! Stesokur's resident doctor took some time out of his busy schedule to make a toy.

Shouldn't you be, like, healing people and stuff?

We're all very proud of Avuz. The rest of the dwarves were polite enough to not point out that a toy boat made of stone can't float, and is therefore the dumbest kind of toy he could have made. But it menaces with spikes of bone and leather! So that's cool, at least. I've actually had a dwarf dedicated almost entirely to making rock crafts, so it'll go well into the stockpile of tradable junk. All I need now is a trading partner!

Oh! H-Hey guys... I promise not to rob you blind every time I see you. I mean it this time!

Elves. Shit. OK, play it cool. We don't want a repeat of the last major run-in I had with the elves. We'll do this nice and easy! No robbing them. No killing them. And, of course, no trading them in wood. Elves hate wooden crafts. They think it's barbaric. I mean, shit, they butcher children and practice cannibalism, and don't seem to mind the non-stop rain of blood, but I guess they gotta draw the line somewhere.

No, stop. Don't be mean. Be polite. These guys will send an army to fucking destroy this fortress if they get pushed too far. Fortunately, I have plenty of goods to trade! Soap, cut gems, and a bunch of rings and toys made out of stone. And I need this. I don't have any cloth, and my last mushroom crop was pretty weak; I'm low on food. Carefully, so as not to offend, I do my trades in small increments. Here's me trading some gems for cloth and ropes:

So far so good!

And here's me trading some soap and rock crafts for food:

"Your kind?" Man, elves are so fucking racist!

Wait, what? But I was so careful! I didn't give you any wood! I transported my crafts in wooden bins, yeah, but I didn't offer them to you! All I gave you were bracelets and scepters and toys made out of stone, and soap made out of kitten fat and ash....

Ash which came from burning wood....

Oh you picky motherfuckers! Fuck you, you moss-fondling pieces of shit! I fucking hate elves! I hate elves so much! Go molest a twig, you pollen-snorting bark fuckers! Damnit! I needed that food! What the fuck am I going to do now? I'm running out of mushrooms, all of my large mammals died from starvation 'cause all the grass is soaked in blood, and I don't have any food because these pointy-eared shrub-humpers are such assholes! Stesokur is going to starve to death now. This fortress is in need of a miracle.

Eh, that'll do.

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