Friday, April 18, 2014

Stesokur Entry 5: Kumil Crosses Courses with a Kobold

One of our newest migrants was a Hammerdwarf named Kumil Idashurist. According to his in-game profile, his last name translate as "Moistnessdagger," which is equal parts unfortunate and hilarious. I might just see if I can convince my girlfriend to start calling my penis "Moistnessdagger."

(she will not)

More importantly than a name that must have made junior high particularly difficult for Kumil, though, was his skills with a weapon. He's no Solon Beridos, but he's the most well-trained of my soldiers so far, with the exception of Iton the Militia Commander. Remember, this time I embarked with a trained soldier. So I've got two warriors now, ready to fight!

Here they are, locked in mortal combat! Or a sparring session. Or a staring contest? The graphics don't make it easy.

So far none of the louse men or giant birds have bothered my fortress, so I haven't had much use for these warriors yet. Until a kobold thief came to steal from our rich stores of... something. We don't really have anything of value yet, so who knows what the fucking thing was doing. Trying to steal some of our lumber? It's just a kobold; as far as I'm concerned, they rank only slightly below the elves in terms of savagery.

Well, since I haven't gotten any manufacturing done yet, Iton had the only weapon in the fortress (a copper axe), poor Kumil had to make due with training weapons made out of wood. And, since I just traded all our training weapons to the caravans, Kumil didn't even have a club in his hands when he crossed paths with the kobold, armed with a silver dagger. So what did our intrepid dwarf do, unarmed, against an enemy of the state?

He grabs the kobold with one hand, and then beats it to death with the other. Look at that shit! Kumil grabbed the kobold's right hand and bent it backwards, shattering the wristbone, as he punches the kobold in the side and breaks its ribs. The poor creature never stood a chance. After murdering the surprised kobold with his bare hands, Kumil dropped it like Nick Cannon dropping a drumstick and went back to sparring.

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